December 1, 2020
blitz – noun : a sudden, energetic, and concerted effort, typically on a specific task
The following is (sadly) a true story.
Cast:
Obnoxious Man (OM): clad in a red Emirates soccer (sorry, football) jersey and speaking in a rapid, highly animated tone that suggests his mental state is chemically altered
King Bobo (KB): our (confused) protagonist out shopping
Target Employee #1 (TE1): 16-17 year old male with unkempt hair, wearing wrinkled khakis and employer-required red collared shirt; appears to be attempting to be helpful but mostly seems bemused
Target Employee #2 (TE2): bespectacled, tattooed woman with a pixie haircut in her early 20s
Scene:
Back wall of the local Target store, in front of a large display of trading cards and Funko Pop figures.
(King Bobo approaches the trading card display, hoping for a re-stock of any Pokemon Champion’s Path products, which his son wants for Christmas. Obnoxious Man and Target Employee #1 are standing in front of the display conversing.)
OM (to KB): who’s in charge of this stuff?
KB: (puzzled) I don’t know. I don’t work here.
OM: Right? Who’s in charge of this stuff? You know?
KB: … (looks at OM quizzically.)
(OM begins to take various Pokemon products – packs, decks, and boxes – and places them in his shopping cart.)
OM (to no one in particular): It’s free money! Free money! (To KB): Do you want some free money?
KB: Huh? What’s free money?
OM: All of it! (Gestures at mostly empty Pokemon racks. He then takes a Pokemon deck off the rack and shows it to TE1.)
OM (to TE1): Is there money in this?
TE1: Uh, yeah, maybe.
OM: Free money!
(OM picks up a Pokemon mini-binder that can hold a handful of cards. He holds it out to TE1.)
OM: Is there money in this?
TE1: I don’t think so. It doesn’t have any cards in it.
OM: (Pauses for a moment.) Who cares? I’ll get it anyway. Free money!
(OM continues to pile Pokemon products into his cart, as KB attempts to look at remaining stock. OM picks up a Magic planeswalker deck – Basri, from Core Set 2021.)
OM: Ma-gic. Magic. (To TE1): What’s this? What’s Magic?
TE1: It’s a card game. Like Pokemon. Only ten times nerdier. It’s what all the biggest nerds play.
OM: Is there money in this?
TE1: I don’t think so.
OM: Magic. Is it good? Is there money in it? (To KB): Who plays this? Magic? I don’t know if there’s money in this.
KB (only in his head): There’s no money in that, but Magic is the greatest game ever created. It’s a wonderful combination of chess and poker, with a fantasy aesthetic, deep gameplay, endless customization, dozens of ways to play, and a large fanbase. It’s a lot more engaging and skill-intensive than Pokem…
OM tosses the Magic deck onto the shelf instead of replacing it on the display rack.
OM (to TE1): Do you play Magic?
TE1: Um, no.
OM: Do you believe in Magic?
TE1: Do I believe in Magic? Um…well…
OM: Magic. You know. You believe in it?
TE1: Um…well…I’m not really sure…
(Target Employee #2 approaches. She is smiling nervously.)
TE2 (to TE1): Hey, can you help me with something over here?
(Both employees quickly walk away towards the electronics desk. OM finishes placing all available Pokemon products into his shopping cart.)
OM (to KB): you should get some, man. Free money!
(KB reviews the Magic stock and sees nothing of interest. He begins to walk away.)
OM: Oh, hey, did you want some of the free money? I didn’t have to take it all. You can have some.
KB: No, I’m good.
OM: Free money, man! Free money!
KB wanders through the Christmas section, looking for stocking stuffers. He settles on a package of Baby Yoda fruit snacks for his wife, and then walks towards the front of the store to check out. He passes the electronics department, where OM is standing at a register manned by TE2.
OM: Do you play cards?
TE2: I used to play Magic.
OM (laughing): Magic? That guy said that was for supernerds. You’re a supernerd?
TE2: (Annoyed) No. (She scans several Pokemon items and puts them into plastic shopping bags.)
OM: Do you believe in Magic?
Today was the first day of my “Magic advent calendar.” I don’t have a traditional festive display with little numbered windows or pouches, so I cut a rectangular hole in the top of a shoe box, put my 24 different Magic packs into it, and wrapped it in Christmas-themed wrapping paper. The plan is to reach in and grab a random pack each day until Christmas. Twenty-one of the packs are from sets I’ve opened before and are from the last 5 or 6 years. The remaining three are from Masters sets I’ve never owned or opened: Iconic Masters, Masters 25, and Ultimate Masters.
Today’s random pack grab was Iconic Masters, which was both exciting and disappointing. I had hoped the Masters packs would come later in the month, seeing as how they have the highest probability of something saucy. But I was also jazzed to start my pack-opening experiment with a “premium” pack.
Despite the set having a plethora of solid uncommons, that section of the pack has nothing but chaff: Bubbling Cauldron, Coordinated Assault, and Staggershock.
And the foil was the lackluster common Student of Ojutai.
The rare slot, however? This beauty:
Avacyn, Angel of Hope! A card I never expected to own due to its too-rich-for-my-blood price tag ($25).
I fear this is all but guaranteed to be the highlight of the entire 24 packs, but still – a fantabulous start to the season! May it not be my only highlight…
Casual Magicking 